Dear Me (8 months pregnant),
You are going to have a C-Section. Yes, I know you believe you have a
strong pain threshold, you've been to all the birth prep classes and read all
the books. It doesn't matter. This child (I won't spoil the surprise and tell
you the sex) is going to get stuck and there's nothing you can do about it.
Don't let anyone make you feel bad about it. Some women (yes, I know
we're supposed to support one another but some girls didn't get that memo) will
enjoy telling you how they managed the whole thing with the merest whiff of gas
and air and that some women 'make a fuss' or 'didn't try hard enough'. I
repeat: your baby will get STUCK, there is NOTHING you can do about it. Don't
get angry with these women, don't come home and cry because you didn't have a
'real' birth; smile sweetly, walk away and pray that karma will ensure they get
horrendous teenagers.
(Incidentally, these are usually the same mothers who will tell you that
their child slept through the night at two weeks old, ate a full roast dinner
with a knife and fork at six months and was sitting on a potty, reading The
Guardian, weeks before their second birthday. The advice above continues to
apply.)
Your child will not sleep alone for a whole night for a long long time.
Give in to it, you will get more sleep if you do and life will be a lot easier.
Don't spend all that money on 'How to get your child to sleep' books - you
won't stick to their advice and you're better off spending the money on
expensive make up to cover the bags under your eyes. You will want to kill
anyone who tells you that their child puts themselves to sleep, stays that way
all night and doesn't rise til 8am. Just wait it out, often their second
child is not the same. Then you can make supportive noises whilst internally laughing
your head off. Eventually your child will choose to sleep in their own bed and
not end up in yours by 2am. Surprisingly, you will miss it.
Nothing I can say now will prepare you for how you are going to feel
about this small person. Remember when you first fell in love and couldn't bear
to be away from that boy for a second? Multiply that feeling by 100 and
you're getting close. That doesn't mean you won't also feel exasperated,
overwhelmed, emotional, angry, frustrated, isolated, terrified and exhausted
(sometimes all within the same two hours.) It just means that, when they are
asleep in your arms, you will look down and feel a passionate love that
you could never have imagined.
And then you will have another one.
Apart from the c-section bit (I did end up in labour for 3 days and nine hours of it was on a syntocin drip) and the having another one (don't even joke about it please) I could have written this myself. Especially the part about skip the books and buy the make up. Bravo.
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